Stanley Pencildick, president of THE NUMBER ONE FANCLUB, a fully acredited SK appreciation society, recently filed suit against Mr. King in Maine Superior Court. According to Mr. Pencildick's suit, Stephen King did "willfully, wantonly, and with gross reckless abandoned cause the dreaded addiction of countless constant readers to his particular and at times peculiar brand of writing and then, with complete and total disregard for the mental welfare of said addicted readers, did announce a so called writing hiatus."

Mr. Pencildick said of the suit, "We won't rest until Stephen King is hard at his Wang again."

Rarer than THE PLANT. More sought after than THE GUNSLINGER. Mentioned in countless critical works. And available to the general reading public for the first time now! STEPHEN KING'S LAUNDRY LIST. You've said it yourself: Stephen King could write a laundry list and people would buy it! Well, now it's time to put your money where your mouth is and at the same time answer that all important question: Is the

Each list is signed and numbered by Johnny "The Mangler" Rockwell, SK's personal manservant and author of the critically acclaimed books, "I Did His Dainties" and "Skidmarks in Cotton: A Tale of the Laundry Game" (available through New Adams Publishing Inc.).

THE LIST will be limited to a first run production of 90,000 copies and will sell for $200 to the lucky winners of a special lottery to be held July 29th.

Stephen King has joined the ranks of such celebrities as Carole King, B. B. King, Billie Jean King, and Alan King, in a series of TV ads promoting Rheingold beer. In the ad, Stephen sips and says, "It's not exactly the king of beers . . . but it sure is the beer of KINGS! Betcha fer!"

To go along with the ads, Rheingold plans to release a series of beers cans emblazoned with the colorfully picture of each celebrity.

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According to agent Kirby McNugget, the rumor that Stephen King has filed for unemployment benefits through the state of Maine - due to his recent writing lay-off - is NOT true. Stephen will, however, be accepting non-perishable canned goods weekdays, 9-5, at his Bangor home.

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IT'S TRUE! I've been waiting to let the cat out of the bag. Stephen King IS James Michener! He has been writing under that name for several years now. The revelation comes on the heels of the announcement that SK has decided to do away with all of his pseudonyms - including the STEPHEN KING name he is best known for - and write onlu under his given name, Joseph Heller. His next book is due out sometime in 1995.

Senator Yancy Crankyanker (Dem. Ga) has proposed legislation that would outlaw the use of typewriters by unlicensed individuals. Under the Crankyanker Bill, typewriters would be deemed DANGEROUS WEAPONS and as such could only be lawfully used by "those individuals who pass a certified course on writing safety." Upon completion of the course, individuals would be placed on probation and issued a temporary "writing permit" allowing them to write only when accompanied by an Editor.

Senator Crankyanker said that the legislation is long overdue, and blames the delay on difficulties in finding someone to type up the proposal.

King Crossword
*** Contributed by ***
Wray Wreckser

ACROSS 3 Sky ........ 4 Ben E. ........ 6 ........ Tut 8 ........ston Trio 9 High card

DOWN 1 Elvis "The K......." 2 The ........ And I 4 Billie Jean ........ 5 ........ neaJ eilliB 6 Dog's name 7 Long live the ........

Annie Lynn Steffard ................. Editor-Pub.
Chris Pruce ...................... Managing Editor
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