The New York City Cabdrivers Association recently awarded Stephen King its prestigious Johnny Smith Memorial trophy. President Clyde Barker said SK was singled out for his honest portrayal of the much maligned American cabdriver in his novels.

"That big guy's done more for cabbies than anyone since Danny DeVito," Barker said, "don't tell me, I'll tell you. And if you don't believe that you can blow it outcha you-know-where cause you got shit for brains. Pardon my French, if you're a religious man. Plucka-Plucka-Plucka."

The award puts SK in the running for "Hacker of the Year" and makes him eligible for induction into the HACKERS HALL-OF-FAME.

Part-Time Productions inc. announced the scheduled release early next year of THE MIST, a feature-length cartoon based on the Stephen King novella of the same name. The cartoon follows the wacky adventures of David Drayton and his small band of survivors as they transverse the countryside one step ahead of that crazy Mrs. Carmody, who escaped the Florida

The cartoon features the voices of Frank Muller (as David Drayton), Polly Holliday (as Mrs. Carmody), and Stephen King himself as BUARTS, Lord of the evil Mist-Men. Over Three months in the making, THE MIST was directed by Penny Marshall and features original songs by Bob Seger.

In an upcoming issue of The Maine Times Stephen King airs his views on the habits of local voters in a non-fiction piece titled "The Ballad of the Flexible Ballot".

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New on your grocer's shelves (in certain test markets) . . . Stephen King's SCARY-O's.  A breakfast cereal for people who are NOT AFRAID TO EAT RIGHT.

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Author Katty Kelly has penned an unauthorized biography of Stephen King titled "Angle Parking in the Twilight Zone." Publication date is up to the courts.

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Reports that Stephen King will be appearing on DAVID LETTERMAN in a stupid-pet-tricks segment are false. An Act billed as "Steve and King" - a Utah man and his dancing dingo - apparently caused the confusion.

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Also ... Kirby McNugget (SK's agent, remember?) denies published reports that Stephen will be appearing in an off-Broadway play with the ghost of Elvis Presley. "Steve's just too damned busy," Mr. McNugget said.

"Yellow matter custard - dripping from a dead dog's eye..." Now who but Stephen King could've written that line from the Beatles' song I AM THE WALRUS? No-one sane, that's who. Just Stephen. Owner of Bangor rock station WZON, quoter of rock lyrics, creator of Larry "Baby Can You Dig Your Man" Underwood.

There's growing evidence that Stephen King WAS a Beatle - the fifth Beatle. (The Fifth Quarter?) Some experts say he authored a great many of the lyrics credited to Lennon and McCartney; some say it's time to give the Devil his due.

Who could deny "GOO GOO G'JOOB" (I AM THE WALRUS) or "He got joo-joo eyeball" (COME TOGETHER) as pure Stephen King?

No-one sane, that's who.

Customs officials and representatives of Viking Penguin Inc. seized and destroyed over 5,000 counterfeit Stephen King books recently. The books were found outside a popular Bangor, Maine restaurant - The Crab Slab - stuffed inside 50-gallon drums labeled LOBSTER PARTS. Restaurant owner Leonard "Itchy" Norman denied accusations that his business was a front for bootleg book sales. "You don't know half as much as you think you do," Norman told officials.

The seized books were corrupt copies of SK's popular short story collection SKELETON CREW. They had been retitled SKELETON CRUDE and contained such stories as "Son of a Beachworld," "Cain Threw up," "Uncle Otto's Duck," "Here There Pee Tigers," and a nasty little tale all about Mrs. Todd that would make even Stephen King blush.

The books are thought to be the work of the CUban Counterfeit King Association ( CU.C.K.A. ), a radical faction of the International Writer's Guild dedicated to the malicious reconstruction of some of the world's greatest literature. Other titles are believed to be circulating.

Annie Lynn Steffard ................. Editor-Pub.
Chris Pruce ...................... Managing Editor
Tyris Greene ................. Contributing Editor
Susan Eternal ................. Business Manager
Harry S. Pruce ........... Circulation Manager
N. Tigers - N. Bears ................ Typesetting